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SimoneTutti

Simone Tutti
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Sadness...

3 min read
My life has been violently disrupted lately.  I don't know why.  I don't know if it was meant to be a wake up call to take better care of myself.  I don't know if it meant I need to do things in the "right order".  Maybe it was meant to make or break my relationship with my amazing boyfriend.  I don't know, and it's infuriating.
I'm trying to find the silver lining:
-i'm finally quitting a job i hate
-more time to make art!
-time to take care of me
-time to organize my life
-time to reconnect with the people that truly matter

so. you're wondering what happened.  about 6 1/2 weeks ago i found out I was pregnant.  Andrew and I were thrilled!  We started planning, figuring out how we'd manage this and that with a baby.  I couldn't take my beloved Ibuprofen anymore and my pain level skyrocketed with my stress level.  I didn't manage those well enough and 2 fridays ago I went to the ER cuz I was bleeding.  6 1/2 weeks along is right on the cusp of a lot of major developments for a fetus.  The ultrasound didn't tell us much.  I left with the instructions to take it easy and not stress...haha.  I kept talking to my tummy, telling my baby that I wanted him (we assumed it was a he), that I needed him, and most importantly that mommy already loved him.  I begged him not to leave me.  Then, last tuesday I woke up with intense cramping and bleeding.  at 7 weeks, that's not ok by any stretch of the imagination.  I knew when I woke up that I was losing my baby.  At 3:30 in the morning, sitting on the toilet in my silent bathroom I told him it'd be ok.  I told him it was ok to go.  I told him that I still loved him but that I understood.  not long after, maybe 45 minutes later, I lost him while I was in the ER.  I knew it.  Fortunately my body took care of everything and i didn't have to get surgery.  I left pretty anemic, pretty sad, and wondering how I'd be able to get through this.
My amazing boyfriend has been invaluable and we have an incredible support system.  I'm still sad and still confused but I know how lucky I am.  I have been so blessed with so many amazing people that have dropped everything to support us through this.  Thank you so much for all you guys have done :)

It hurts to tell the story - like this - unedited.  I feel better now though.  I know that this will lead to many many more works of art.  They'll probably be a little melancholy but I feel better using this pain for something.  Losing this baby broke my heart but I know that something good can still come from it.

Love you all!!!!

"I feel lucky sometimes, I should feel lucky all the time"  ZOX
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Hello!

1 min read
Hey Deviants :)

Hope you all had a wonderful year!  I wanted to credit all of the amazing photographers I've worked with better so instead of editing every single deviation I have, I opted to give each of them their very own folder :) I hope this works out well for all of them!  If there's ever a photographer you want to get into contact with, send me a note and I'll help you get in touch with him/her.  Thanks a million for the love and support, fellow deviants!

xoxo
:hug:

Simone
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ruminations....

1 min read
I'm looking through my favorites and I notice a pattern.  I'm a fan of darkness and melancholy.  Is this just a phase or do I truly enjoy the darker things in life?  Why?  Perhaps its because I get sick of all the candy coating and bullshit.  Maybe sadness and pain aren't pretty, but they're real.  They're more honest than your Barbie-doll smile. Honesty is worth more than gold in this society.  People lie to me daily and I'm starting to wonder if anyone's honest anymore.  Is it really that hard to just tell the truth?  I don't think so.  Apparently for some it's high-nigh impossible though...  I don't know.  Forgive my ramblings DA...  
Have a beautiful night :)
xo
Simone
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Addicted...

1 min read
I always plan on going to bed early...then i get on DA.  I get so sucked in to the site i can't leave!  and before i know it, it's 2 hours past when i meant to go to bed.  I love you DA, oh so much :D  And all my DA friends: you are amazing!!!  There are so many talented people here!  Anywho, thanks for feeding my addiction.  Art makes my soul smile!
I love you all, sweetest dreams!
:smooch:

xoxo
Simone
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I got my first (and hopefully last) modeling injury today :cry:  Keep your eyes peeled :shocked: over the next few weeks for my wood nymph photos.  The water in the stream was FREEZING and consequently I went numb and had little control over my feet, fell, hurt myself by fallin on rocks and slicing my foot open.  Of course we shot for like another 45 minutes, hiked back to the car and had an hour drive home so i've had awhile to stew since i try REALLY hard to have a good attitude during shoots.  but damn i hurt now!  so thanks for listening to me bitch!  :love:
You all are amazing and i'm so happy to be a deviant!  Pie for everyone! :pie: :pie: :pie:

xoxo :smooch:
Simone
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Featured

Sadness... by SimoneTutti, journal

Hello! by SimoneTutti, journal

ruminations.... by SimoneTutti, journal

Addicted... by SimoneTutti, journal

Beauty is painful by SimoneTutti, journal